
Since 2018, I have been immersed in postgraduate studies in Music Composition at the Queensland Conservatorium of Griffith University. My focus has been on exploring my experiences living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) through the medium of music composition. As a composer, I am dedicated to expressing my journey through this unique lens.
My PhD thesis, entitled ‘Wars, Eruptions, Harmonies and Disharmonies,’ reflects the inner dynamics of my various dissociated identities (parts/alters) expressed as a series of solo and orchestral works. Different parts or groups of parts within my DID system, which represent the structure of my personality, have composed distinct scores based on their individual experiences, memories, and roles in my mind. This process also integrates elements of music therapy, allowing for a deeper understanding of my identity and experiences.
In this blog, I present a selection of compositions from the process undertaken by the composer Maggie Bell, accompanied by explanatory notes about the themes and ‘conversations’ represented in the music. Each piece will feature the associated scrolling score alongside either live audio or digital recordings. A major goal for this project is to break down the conspiracy of silence surrounding childhood sexual abuse, particularly incestuous abuse, and to provide support for those still suffering from childhood trauma. This initiative also aims to initiate conversations with those who have never before considered the prevalence and ongoing impact of childhood abuse. As someone with experience in music therapy and having studied at the Queensland Conservatorium, I believe that music can play a vital role in healing. Note: when referring to my internal system, the dissociated states, which are often a part of Dissociative Identity Disorder, are referred to as “parts” and will be italicized in this blog.
Since 2018, I have been immersed in postgraduate studies in Music Composition at the Queensland Conservatorium of Griffith University. My focus has been on exploring my experiences living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) through the medium of music composition. As a composer, I am
Since 2018, I have been immersed in postgraduate studies in Music Composition at the Queensland Conservatorium of Griffith University. My focus has been on exploring my experiences living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) through the medium of music composition. As a composer, I am dedicated to expressing my journey through this unique lens.
My PhD thesis, entitled ‘Wars, Eruptions, Harmonies and Disharmonies,’ reflects the inner dynamics of my various dissociated identities (parts/alters) expressed as a series of solo and orchestral works. Different parts or groups of parts within my DID system, which represent the structure of my personality, have composed distinct scores based on their individual experiences, memories, and roles in my mind. This process also integrates elements of music therapy, allowing for a deeper understanding of my identity and experiences.
In this blog, I present a selection of compositions from the process undertaken by the composer Maggie Bell, accompanied by explanatory notes about the themes and ‘conversations’ represented in the music. Each piece will feature the associated scrolling score alongside either live audio or digital recordings. A major goal for this project
In this blog, I present a selection of compositions from the process undertaken by the composer Maggie Bell, accompanied by explanatory notes about the themes and ‘conversations’ represented in the music. Each piece will feature the associated scrolling score alongside either live audio or digital recordings. A major goal for this project is to break down the conspiracy of silence surrounding childhood sexual abuse, particularly incestuous abuse, and to provide support for those still suffering from childhood trauma. This initiative also aims to initiate conversations with those who have never before considered the prevalence and ongoing impact of childhood abuse. As someone with experience in music therapy and having studied at the Queensland Conservatorium, I believe that music can play a vital role in healing. Note: when referring to my internal system, the dissociated states, which are often a part of Dissociative Identity Disorder, are referred to as “parts” and will be italicized in this blog.
Composed by Maggie Bell and performed by
Braden Simm - flute
Composed by Maggie Bell and performed
by Mai-Lien Olsson - piano
Composed by Maggie Bell and performed by
Jeremy Stafford - acoustic guitar
This solo piece is composed for the bass clarinet because it is such a whimsical instrument. The piece reflects the mischievous fun-loving parts of myself and acknowledges the importance of the happy times/relationships in my childhood despite the ongoing trauma with others.
This piece was composed by a number of parts holding memories and experiences of my turbulent teenage years. The parts involved are The Mute, Music Maggie, Music Nellie, The Loner, Mind Intruder, Hermit, Slowlow and Outcast. Teenage years are difficult in the best of times. For me, although I was unknowingly also dealing with fragmented /dissociative parts, I was aware that my teenage years had a lot of missing time, fractured/splintered memories and a continuous questioning over my reason for living, as I could not seem to “fit” into the normal mould of a human being. I had felt alone and lonely from a young age and during my teenage years I became even more withdrawn from everyday life except when I was experiencing the joy of music.
This piece expresses the rage I felt throughout my life about the ongoing abuse and torture and collusion/lack of intervention by my parents, especially my mother who actively encouraged my brother to physically assault me. The piece was composed by numerous 'subparts' of a higher order part named Rage. Within Rage there are numerous subparts holding rage at different ages, as well as some subparts who deny and/or are confused by the rage, who hold self-blame and yet still have an underlying current of previously unacknowledged fury.
The Mutes are a group of parts of different ages and unknown number. Overall, these parts hold the experiences of having been silenced, ignored and excluded. As a result of inexperience in communication, all the Mutes have under-developed language processing abilities. The Mutes, together, decided they wanted to compose a piece just for themselves and chose the French Horn due to the normal playing hand technique of placing the hand cupped inside the bell of the instrument, thereby muting the instrument. The practical reason for this is to help the player access the high frequency resonant modes or partials of the horn, but the younger and teenage mutes saw this as a symbol of supressing verbal conversation and not being able to speak out.
My psychologist wrote the words to this piece when I was feeling extremely suicidal. My emotional response to her poem had a profound effect on me as I went through a myriad of feelings from being so grateful that someone truly understood how I was feeling, to utter embarrassment at the kind, unwarranted words she was portraying. There was also a tinge of anger within myself because I felt I had betrayed my own belief that I must never fully open up, I must stay silent and never let the past define me or let others know the disgusting behaviours that had been part of my life. I wanted to do her words justice and decided to use her poem to create a choir piece for Soprano, Alto, Tenor, and Bass.
Listen here, as we explore the captivating work of composer Maggie Bell, who utilizes music therapy to support individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Her innovative approach is celebrated at the Queensland Conservatorium, where she integrates her musical talents to foster healing.
Listen here, as we explore the captivating work of composer Maggie Bell, who utilizes music therapy to support individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Her innovative approach is celebrated at the Queensland Conservatorium, where she integrates her musical talents to foster healing.
Listen here, as we explore the captivating work of composer Maggie Bell, who utilizes music therapy to support individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Her innovative approach is celebrated at the Queensland Conservatorium, where she integrates her musical talents to foster healing.
Listen here, as we explore the captivating work of composer Maggie Bell, who utilizes music therapy to support individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Her innovative approach is celebrated at the Queensland Conservatorium, where she integrates her musical talents to foster healing.
If you would like to contact Maggie Bell, a talented composer with expertise in music therapy and a background from the Queensland Conservatorium, regarding a score, recording, or speaking engagement related to Dissociative Identity Disorder, please drop us a line!
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